My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
