he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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