I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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