i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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