i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
