he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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