dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
