I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
