Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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