when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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