I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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