You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
