This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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