96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
