how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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