Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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