I can text with my tongue
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
