He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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