I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize