Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
