all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
