rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
