holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
