it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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