CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
