It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
