I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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