fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
