Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
