I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
