your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
