dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
