I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
