Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
