at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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