I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
