I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
