two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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