Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
