i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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