Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Less talking, more tequila
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
