Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
