Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
