is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
