he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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