i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize