Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
