i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
