I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
