YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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