He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
