so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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