I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
