Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
