We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
