You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
