Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
