I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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