I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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