and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Less talking, more tequila
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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