i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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