I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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