i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your penis caused this!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Are these your boobs on my camera?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
