Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
