She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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