The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
