wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
