The maid of honor just puked.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
