No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
