i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
