Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
