We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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