put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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